grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
