who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
