Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
