90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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