Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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