He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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