He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
