She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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