Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
