We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
