Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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