and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
