No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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