my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
