So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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