It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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