Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
