he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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