Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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