some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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