You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
