We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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