garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
