Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
