you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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