Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
