You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
