You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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