I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
