If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
