I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
