Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
