I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
