So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
