hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
