he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
