i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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