yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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