she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
