Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
