He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
