Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
