??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You took a bar mat shot.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
