she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
