Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
