"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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