I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it glows. i had to have it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
