WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
