my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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