Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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