we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
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I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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