It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
