Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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