Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
