so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
