The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
