I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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