I skipped work to stalk him.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
