Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Did I show you my penis last night?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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