wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
