i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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