problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
