are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
