today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
