And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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