dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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