I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize