I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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