Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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