I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
