guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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