I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
