how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
