She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
