Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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