I wanna passion pit in your ass
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
