I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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