Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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