You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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