We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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