I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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